I don’t remember the last time I walked down the lake with you.

If I had known it was the last time I would have held onto every phrase, every expression, every story, every scent, every feeling of that moment. If I had known it was the last time I would have replayed that moment in my head over and over and over and over again instead of allowing it to get lost in the basement of my memories as if I would have had many more walks down the lake with you. The phrase ‘life is short’ never seemed to engrave itself into my heart until there was one life that ceased to exist that day.

Mamma, I miss you…. I miss your brown curly hair, I miss your silky voice, I miss your rough, yet gentle hands. I miss you… picking me up from school. I miss you…surprising me with apple pie. I miss the way you tucked me in at night, I miss the way you combed my hair, I miss how you looked at me and I knew everything would be alright.

But everything wasn’t alright! You died and without even a goodbye. You were hurting inside, Satan toying with your mind. I could’ve helped you, reminded you, the way you reminded me countless of times. Did I ever cross your mind? Why even name me if you were going to leave me. “Emmanuel” you said. “Emmanuel, He will never leave us”, you said. “Emmanuel, God is with us”, you said. But you forgot, didn’t you? And in turn left me? Mama, I know it was hard for you, but it’s hard for me too. But now every time I hear the call of my name I will remember what you forgot. Emmanuel.